I fucking hate it when they fight!

I hate it when they fight, I mean my parents. Last night they fought, in the kitchen and yes I heard them. I listen to every word every sentences they say. Its really sad, I really hate crying coz crying affects the people around me. My downside of my shirt was full of blood last night. I can't stand the fightings. There are scars on my left arm, so as the blood will dry on my shirt. I feel at ease when seeing the blood flows. But I'm still sad coz of last night. I heard my mom said about leaving and that seriously stroke deeply into my heart with God forsaken piercing pain. I still feel the pain now, tears always flooded my eyes when I think of it. I cried in class today and damn! Why must I cry in front of my friends. I hate it! I bloody fucking hate it! I made them cry too, Nana and Dora. *sniffs* But when they hugged me, and my I feel at ease a bit. Hugs do make me feel better. But I really can't stand to see them crying..guiltiness affects me. Just now, when I'm with Dora, I can't explain why coz I feel so calm. When she hugged me tightly, calmness go throughout my body. When she cried just now, again, I feel pain. Staring at her eyes, seeing her smile..somehow makes me happy. When i'm sad, she's always be with me and say all those calming words. Today when I was crying my heart out, she hugged me tightly and whispered to my ear, saying that "when you feel sad, just think of me". Those words touched me deeply. Made me cry tears of joy. No one ever says that to me but this is just so sweet! I just want to hug her closely to my heart now. How can I make this family in peace? I can't stand it anymore! I hate being sad..me being sad, I cut! Please, no more! I'm trying so hard to avoiding cutting. Fuck! This cuts hurts. My arm is sore. I'll just try to calm down then. I'm just scared if they're really leaving, I'm scared of whats gonna happen to my sisters. I don't want them to break down just like I do. I want to protect them and keep the sadness away. For now, I just wished for this family to return to normal and be happy again. I just want to see those smiling faces and spending time together with each other. *fingers crossed*

xoxo