blah..blah..blah..bleh.. =.="

*Screams out loud!* FUUUUCCCKKKKKKK MYYYYYYYYY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Why do this weekend have to be so bloody busy?! Man, college life is starting to get on my nerves. I'm started to think that am I really in the correct track? Gosh, confusion much. Gonna be in Shakespeare mode.. "Thy knife stroke my heart, piercing in, my blood shall flow from my chest to my toes, the ground will be tainted, with despair and sorrow."

What shall I do then?

so little time...

*sigh* okay, 3 weeks of college..coming to 4 weeks. OMG and the works are piling up. College life, I know. Somehow, I feel restless. Idk why. Me and Karissa stopped texting each other. Why? Coz her phone bill was..OMG! Feel sad tho but we talked on yrbook. Doesn't feel the same but at least we talked. She still made me happy. Hmm, okay this month is crucial coz i'm in need of cash!!! Arghhhh! Got a letter from my former college, asking me to pay back the Semester 1's allowance! I was like WHAT THE FUCK?! and the total amount is RM1250!! Where am gonna find that money????? My life just died there...my current college's allowance hasn't come out yet..ughhhhhh!!!! *whining and cusssing* !@#@%&^(&(**@@%#!#!@*(&^)!!!

yesterday was history today is????

PE was awesome yesterday. Akmar, Amirul, Jazul, Me, Gracie, Nana, Dora, Candice, Esther and Jun laughed really hard. It's coz of the joke that Jazul made talking Malay-Thai-Japan accent and myself, talking a scotland accent which make Esther laughed till tears came out from her eyes. Gracie lost her voice, OMG! Okay, today was forum during LDV and our group topic is about Sex and Gender. I talked about sexual orientation and wow, I don't know coz I kinda blushed. Coz this topic is somehow related to me. I explained using my general knowledge and I think some people including Madam is suspecting something. Owh well, at least they know and I'm actually okay with that.
So, me and Karissa 1st Month Anniversary is almost near. I'm more happier being with Karissa rather than being the that bloody person. She made me so happy and she remember our anniversary unlike..ughhh! the other person. She said to me that I'm the reason for her to get up every morning and that just put the biggest smile on my face. She's the reason I smiled whenever I sit alone. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. All I hope for is, I don't want her to hurt me as Vanessa did. I can't take it anymore. I hate being hurt and I hate hurting people. All i want is to make people happy and I'll be happy. Is it that hard to ask? I hope me and her are gonna last long and happy together. I don't care what people thinks tho. I know some will accept and some will not. So please, leave your bloody conservative life and move on to the new era of life already.

tomorrow is the day! D:

Ah-ma-gosh! I can't believe its finally tomorrow!! I'm going back to college tomorrow! ohmylord!! Its so fast and i'm just starting to enjoy the hols. UGH!!! New roommate..new everything! I hope she's not bossy or snobbish. I really want communication! or I'll die! SERIOUSLY! I'm not used to being friends with someone older than me..well except for Dora and my cousins..gosh, time will tell then. New challenges..new drama..arghhh. Am I in the right track? Being a teacher? I mean, look at me! With this attitude and stuff, gosh! I'm so not gonna be a role model to my students in the future. I drank, I cuss, everything that is bad. So am I right for this? Gosh, I need someone to hit me. NOW! I'm just gonna accept the fact that I'm going back tomorrow.
Okay..talked with Vanessa again. Told her that I couldn't forget her completely then she said " I thought you did :( " what does she meant by that? And when I asked why, she said that "coz you were with someone". Again, what does she meant? Does she still loves me? Or she wants me to forget her? I'm really confused right now. But really, I do still have feelings for her. Believe it or not, I asked opinions from 11 people. 8 gave me the same answer and 3 different. Hmm, I better make sure of this or I'll end up getting hurt again. I hope she's not drunk when she say it tho. If she were, all of the memories will come back and haunt me again. Nuff said bout it, anyways..I missed my cousin. I missed her so much! Coz I really liked when she hugged me on new years day coz it was so sweet of her and adorable too. She hugged me with full of care.. she's 14 and very matured too. Matured than me. Some of my cousins dislikes her tho coz they said, she's harsh. Well, she is but owh well, like I said, she's matured for her age. Wow, its been like 3 days without texting Karissa. I'm guessing, she wants to end it, between me and her. *sigh* why does this keep happening to me? Gawd! OWH WELL.. like many people say..that is LIFE. Pfffttt.. right..
Anyways, I'm going to bed now..church in like 7 hours. Have a good life people :)

I do still love her...

Talking to Vanessa now has made me realize that I do still love her. All the name calling thingy that I called her, was just to erase the memories of what she did to me..but deep inside me, I still do really love her..I think she's the only one that I really love. I can't forget her completely. I love her too much.

awesome new year!

Goodbye 2009..well hello 2010! Well, this year's new year, I think its the best new year other than the other new years. Indeed, I'm shocked too. I thought it would be bad but I was so wrong. Hmm..maybe I got drunk this year and thats why I was feeling happy. LMAO! When the clock struck 12.00am last night.. was the happiest moment in my life. I called Monique and whoa her voice was so adorable. I seriously love australian accent. Owh yeah, when I was hungover last night, and was about to sleep, someone came into the room and gave me the most adorable hug ever and she said to me, " I'm here now". How adorable is that? She hugged me while I was laying on the bed. Made me happy and I hugged her back. And someone was jealous of us..ahaahahaha! But yeah, she ended up in my hands and I love cuddling with her. That was a cute moment. Hmm..I think this year is starting to be a good year after all. Hmm, okay that was an early judgment. We'll see what's gonna happen this year, and I'll be an official senior..haha! Bullying time? I'm not that cruel. Okay, i'm currently talking to Vanessa on msn now, this may sounded weird but I'm happy talking to her. I'm in cheerful mode now, maybe coz by the drunkness or maybe I am really in a cheerful mood. Haha, but still, I missed her tho. Should I tell her that? A bit confused here. She might think I'm weird or something. Owh well, 2009 has passed..its 2010 now. New challenges..new drama..new me!