our relationship officially ends..

20/October/2009
exactly this day..
my friendship/relationship with Vanessa ends forever.
She have deleted on msn but I won't delete her coz I got this feeling which keep me from deleting her and idk what it is..
but I will try to move on and someday I will find somebody that I will love as much as I love her.. i'm going to be happy although inside me it hurts so much..


No more thinking bout her...

I GAVE YOU HIM, WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE? HE LOVE YOU, HE’S THERE FOR YOU, HE’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU..BUT I’M HERE, FAR AWAY FROM YOU. I CAN’T EVEN HOLD YOUR HAND, I CAN’T EVEN HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS, I CAN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING WITH YOU COZ I’M NOT THERE! HE’S THERE FOR YOU, HE CAN HOLD YOU IN HIS ARMS AND HE CAN PROTECT YOU. I CAN’T DO ALL OF THAT COZ I’M BLOODY FAR AWAY FROM YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LET GO SOMEONE YOU LOVED THE MOST? SOMEONE YOU LOVED MORE THAN YOURSELF? SOMEONE YOU LOVED MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS? HOW HURTFUL? DO YOU KNOW HOW HURT I AM NOW? LET ME TELL YOU THIS, I’M SO HURT, DEEPLY INSIDE ME IS LIKE BLEEDING BLOOD. MY HEART BLEEDS THEN SHATTERED INTO MILLIONS PIECES. I DO ALL OF THAT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH IT HURTS ME. I DON’T CARE IF I BLEED FROM MY EYES OR DIE. I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. DON’T YOU GET IT? YES, I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, YOU MUST LEARN TO LET THEM GO. I LET YOU GO IN ORDER TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I CAN’T BEAR TO SEE YOU GET HURT EVERYTIME. I’M SURE YOU’LL BE HAPPY WITH HIM. ALTHOUGH WHEN I THINK OF IT, IT HURTS, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I’M SMILING COZ I KNOW THAT YOU’RE SMILING TOO WHEN YOU’RE WITH HIM. THERE’S NO MISTAKE THAT I SEE IN YOU THAT YOU ALSO LOVE HIM. I WANT YOU TO FORGET ME, FOR ME IT’S HARD TO FORGET YOU BUT I WILL TRY. IT’S VERY HURT TO MOVE ON; IT’S SO HARD FOR ME TO NOT LOVE YOU. BE HAPPY FOR ME OKAY? I WISH YOU BOTH A HAPPY LIFE AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

loving you was my favourite mistake..

Today is the most saddest day in my life... and it's really happening now.. remember how much I wanted to break up with vans? Yep, the day is today. I'm both sad and relieve. I'm sad because I felt a part of me empty. I'm relieve coz there's nothing to think about anymore.. I'm going to miss our memories that we've shared.. I have bout 1000 or more texts from vans in my phone.. It's hard to delete.. OMG! I think I'm regretting it..shit! NO!!! I must move on and forget bout it. Pretend that I never met vans..pretend everything was just a fairytale dream.. I don't care! Well, I hope they both have a better life.. i'm sure vans will be happy without me in her life..more happier when she's with alex. They both good for each other. All I want is for her to be happy..as much as it really hurts me so deeply..like a knife stroke into my heart..her happiness is more important. *sigh* ow well..here comes single life again..

I really want you back...

My heart longs for you, my soul dies for u, my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach for you.

I keep thinking of you since the day we've talked. I know we've had our time together and it was over in the middle of march but I've realized that I still love you although 5 months already passed without you with me. I still have feelings for you.. and you don't know that. But I really want you to know that. Ahh, when are you going on msn?? I want you..I want you..I want you..whoa..being greedy there..hehe..but still, I WANT YOU! Idk why tho coz, I have this feeling that you still love me.. dammit! I'm a hopeless romantic person.. which is bad! Bad me! But..I'm with Vans..but..but..so many buts aye.. argh! I just want you back!